


What Ifs and Should Haves

by thebookishdark



Series: What's the Password? [3]
Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies), Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018)
Genre: Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, Established Relationship, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Mission, Post-Mission Impossible - Fallout (2018), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 19:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15517164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebookishdark/pseuds/thebookishdark
Summary: Benji and Ethan get back worse for wear, and Brandt comes home to them.





	What Ifs and Should Haves

Brandt’s on a deep undercover mission as a favor to an analyst friend of his when Ethan gets the plutonium mission. Benji accepts as soon as Ethan calls, shooting off a text as he grabs his duffel.

_To: Agent Brandt  
going out with ethan and some coworkers, see you when we get home! love you!_

_From: Agent Brandt  
I am out of office and cannot be contacted on this phone at this time. Thank you for your message and I will send a reply as soon as I am able._

Benji ignores the automatic reply, knowing that when Brandt comes home he’ll at least be able to parse the simple code.

He thinks, much later, that he should’ve expected it all to go to absolute shit.

\---

Benji walks onto a sunny sidewalk after the initial debriefing; he’ll have to go back again and again to recount the mission countless times, but for now he can go home. He powers up his personal phone and hopes for the several seconds it takes to turn on and connect to the network that he’ll have gotten a message from Brandt, that he’ll be out of deep cover and—nothing. There are no new messages. Benji sighs and taps out a few words before hitting send.

_To: Agent Brandt  
be home soon! love you!_

_From: Agent Brandt  
I am out of office and cannot be contacted on this phone at this time. Thank you for your message and I will send a reply as soon as I am able._

The automatic reply settles like a weight in his chest, but still his feet take him to their apartment. The weight turns to uneasiness as he unlocks the door and tries to settle into the empty living room. He had hoped that maybe Brandt had somehow forgotten to turn on his personal cell, and he’d be here waiting, and Benji could melt into him and not have to think about Lane, or how close he came to dying, or how _many_ times he came close to dying this time around; instead he sits in the quiet and wonders how long it’ll be until Brandt comes home, or, god forbid, _if_ he’s coming home.

\---  
It’s less of a whole nightmare and more of a rush of emotion and fear, _being unable to breathe, knowing that this is it, the bright light of an explosion before it consumes him and_ —Benji wakes up on the couch out of breath and unsettled. He can’t remember falling asleep and he can’t place what woke him up. He does a quick intake of the room—nothing has changed and nothing indicates that anyone has broken in. It’s dark, the sun having gone down at some point, and his neck hurts. His phone lights up on the side table, and he reaches over to grab it.

_From: Agent Hunt  
Are you home?_

_From: Agent Hunt  
I’m coming over._

He figures Ethan already knows that he’s here, but it’s polite to confirm.

_To: Agent Hunt  
yeah. eta?_

_From: Agent Hunt  
3 minutes_

Benji rubs his eyes and sets his phone back down, surprised that Ethan was let out of medical so soon but ultimately grateful for the company. He goes to gather himself and get ready for bed, knowing that Ethan’ll let himself in; he has a key and an open invitation.

He’s brushing his teeth when he hears the door open. He tenses, waiting until he hears Ethan’s voice call his name questioningly. “Bathroom!” he calls, spitting in the sink and rinsing out his mouth. Ethan appears in the doorway and Benji gives him a once-over.

“You look terrible, they let you out of the hospital like that?”

Ethan shrugs, clearly tired. Benji glances back in the mirror and winces, touching the bruises on his neck.

“Maybe it’s better that Will isn’t back yet, keep him from seeing the worst of it, huh?”

“He’s going to know either way, Benji.”

“Yeah but knowing and seeing are two different things. C’mon, I’m exhausted and you should probably sleep for a week.”

They both end up on the bed, feeling more comfortable with a familiar body nearby but too conscious of Ethan’s still-healing bones and, well, entire body to properly cuddle. Benji falls asleep for the second time that day, this time on purpose, wishing that this bed were a bit more crowded.

\---

Benji and Ethan both wake up to the quiet click of a door being closed. Footsteps wander through the living room for a minute before making their way to the bedroom. Ethan gets out of the bed, grabs something from under the pillow—a gun, when did he put a gun there? Benji wonders amid the fear—and makes a ‘hush’ motion at Benji, motioning for him to stay before sneaking towards the door, ready for anything. Benji barely breathes until a familiar shape appears in the doorway, and Benji lets out a whoosh of breath.

“Jesus Will!” Benji sits up, adrenaline making him louder than he wanted to be. “You scared the hell out of me, and Ethan almost shot you!”

Ethan steps out of the shadows, gun in hand and shrugs, limping back towards the bed.

“I did text you.” Brandt seems undeterred by Ethan with a gun, or Ethan limping, really. He shrugs off his jacket and crosses the room to the closet, undressing as he goes.

Benji glares at Brandt, then snatches up his phone. Sure enough there’s a text from about twenty minutes ago.

_From: Agent Brandt  
On my way home._

“Fine. But you owe me for the heart attack I almost had, and for making Ethan get up.”

Brandt walks into the bathroom. “Oh? And what’s the cost?”

“At least three kisses each and you come in here and cuddle as soon as you’re done in there.” The faux-pout is evident in Benji’s voice and Brandt’s responding chuckle echoes from the other room.

“That sounds fair.”

Soon enough the bathroom light switches off, and Benji gingerly scoots towards the middle of the bed, trying to prevent Ethan from accidentally getting an elbow in the ribs. Brandt presses close and kisses Benji on the forehead, murmuring something about paying them in installments, and how much he missed them, missed this, while he was gone. Benji knows there’ll be a conversation in the morning when the sun is out and Brandt can actually see how banged up they both are, but that will have to wait, as Benji falls asleep for the third time tonight.

\---

Brandt wakes up with the sun, glad to be home and in his own bed. It wasn’t a life-threatening mission but it was long and boring, and he missed Benji and Ethan and the rest of the team. Brandt slowly opens his eyes, not surprised that he’s the first one awake. He frowns, noticing the bruising on Benji’s throat, two distinct lines of dark mottled purple, one straight back, the other at an angle. He carefully leans up on an elbow to take a look at Ethan—he’s covered in cuts and bruises, more bandages are visible than skin, even without a shirt. Brandt’s frown deepens.

Benji cracks his eyes open to find Brandt frowning at him and Ethan. “Mornin’,” he yawns. Brandt startles, too lost in thought to have noticed that Benji was awake.

“Morning.” He leans back down and gingerly kisses Benji, not knowing the extent of his injuries, before pulling back and opening his mouth to speak, then closing it as Benji covers his face with his hands. Brandt’s eyes flicker back to his throat before Benji groans in annoyance.

“Ugh, what is it, out with it, it’s too early for you to be making that face.”

“What face?”

“The—“ He pauses and gestures vaguely, still with his eyes covered. “ The ‘Benji you’re clearly injured’ face!”

Brandt sighs and lowers his voice, pretty sure that Ethan’s already awake but not wanting to risk it on the off-chance he’s not. “How close was it?”

Benji deflates a little, and then mumbles “Which part?” Brandt gently rubs a thumb along the bruise on his neck. “Oh, that part.”

Benji uncovers his face and rolls into Brandt before continuing, quietly speaking into his shoulder. “Too close. It was stupid, I should’ve _looked_ before running in, but Ilsa was yelling and Lane—“ he falters, grabbing onto the sheet and squeezing, pushing past the anxiety bubbling up. Brandt holds him and places a kiss on his forehead.

“I should’ve—“ Benji pushes back to look Brandt in the eye.

“No, no, Will, I’m stopping you right there. You were already undercover when Ethan called me into the initial mission, there’s no way you could’ve known, and besides Ilsa already feels guilty enough for both of you, _and_ she insisted that drinks are on her every time we’re in London. It’s done, we’re home.” Benji visibly deflates. “Let’s just be happy we’re alive, especially Mr. I-crashed-a-helicopter-into-another-helicopter over here.”

“There wasn’t another way.” Ethan adds from behind Benji. So he had been awake, Brandt notes.

“I know,” Benji rolls over onto his back so he can look at Ethan. “It was still a huge risk.”

“Glad it paid off then.”

Brandt steels himself to ask a very selfish question as Ethan and Benji have a silent conversation. He takes a breath and asks, “Can you debrief me?”

Benji flinches before agreeing, and Ethan nods; they take turns replaying the entire mission, from the plutonium being taken all the way to Ethan coming to in a bed in a tent, adding in bits and pieces that the other glossed over or wasn’t there for. Eventually Brandt has a full timeline and Benji can see the numbers crunching in his brain, the information stitching together, before he looks sadly at Benji and Ethan in turn.

“If I had been there watching Luther’s back, all the way at the beginning…” He trails off.

“Or, we would’ve all been shot and the plutonium would’ve been taken anyway.” Ethan adds.

“Still—“ Brandt starts, but Benji interrupts.

“I don’t know about you but I’m starving, how about breakfast?” He starts getting out of bed, careful still to not jostle Ethan about.

\---

A couple minutes later finds Benji in the kitchen brewing coffee and making scrambled eggs. It was easy and fast and the quicker the food was ready the faster people would be eating it and not talking about guilt and what ifs and—he _had_ had a bad feeling about the mission from the get-go. If he had asserted himself in any sort of way, instead of playing along that it was just nervousness, standing there and waiting, joking with Ethan and Luther, while a team of assassins were planning an ambush, maybe they would’ve been able to call someone in or rehash the plan or _something_ instead of what had happened. Benji’s thoughts spiral down further and further into panic, until there’s a hand at his back and he blinks a couple of times. The darkness creeping around his eyes ebbs as he remembers to breathe and the high pitched buzz floating through his brain fades to the point where he can hear Brandt behind him, talking him down, telling him that he’s home and safe, over and over until Benji leans back into him.

Brandt leans over and turns off the heat to prevent the eggs from getting too terribly burnt before steering Benji to the kitchen table.

Brandt sets a cup of coffee and a plate of eggs in front of Benji before grabbing his own and sitting down next to him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed.”

Benji takes a sip of coffee, “It would’ve happened anyway, eventually. I’m glad you’re here. If it weren’t for you and Ethan I—“ Benji looks up from his eggs “—where _is_ Ethan?”

Brandt nods towards the bathroom. “He’s redressing his wounds. I told him I’d be back to help with the more difficult ones after I checked up on you.”

Benji doesn’t even argue about being checked up on, he simply nods and says, “Well, I’m alright now, but I can’t promise breakfast’ll still be warm by the time you’re done.”

Brandt smiles a bit before standing up and squeezing Benji’s shoulder. “Well, I’ll just have to take my chances.”

As soon as Brandt is out of the room, Benji starts eating his overdone eggs. Minutes pass and he eventually abandons the remainder of his breakfast for coffee, finishing two cups before Ethan and Brandt emerge from the bathroom. He would make a joke about how long they were in there, except for the strained look on Ethan’s face and the disapproving quirk to Brandt’s lips. Benji raises an eyebrow as they sit down.

“He popped a stitch in his side before I got in there.”

Ethan shrugs and instantly regrets it as it pulls the remaining stitches, instead starting to eat his eggs. It’s quiet for a while until Ethan speaks between bites of egg. “I think I’m in love with Ilsa.”

Brandt stops chewing for a whole three seconds before carefully starting up again, while Benji almost does a spit-take, manages to swallow his coffee and put down his cup before looking intensely at Ethan as he continues to eat. “Huh.” He remembers, after they found out that Ethan was safe and in a hospital bed, Julia saying her goodbye and Ilsa stepping up after, Ethan laying a hand at her throat where the rope burn sat. “I probably should’ve seen that coming.”

“So.” Benji continues after a few moments of silence. “You going to do anything about it? Like, travel to London, find her window, and lift up a boombox playing love songs incredibly loud? Or maybe talk to her about it?”

Ethan hums around his bite of food, swallows, and points his fork towards Benji. “The boombox would be a nice touch, but I was thinking of talking next time I’m there. I wanted to run it by you two first though.”

“Thank you,” Brandt finally finds his voice. “We want you to be happy, Ethan, whatever that means.”

Ethan rolls his eyes a little. “There’s no need to be so formal Will, I’m not breaking up with you. I don’t know if Ilsa wants to be monogamous or not, and if she does I’m not sure it’ll work out for either of us.”

“So you want to know if it’s okay with us if you’re part of this and dating Ilsa at the same time? I’m fine with that. Will?” Benji looks towards Brandt, who seems relieved and a bit disappointed in himself for feeling relief.

“Like I said, whatever that means. I think it’s a good idea if Ilsa’s alright with it.”

Ethan nods, and just like that the tension bleeds out of the room. It’s like any other day, recovering from a mission, eating eggs because that’s all that’s left in the fridge, and talking about whatever comes to mind. Eventually they end up on the couch watching whatever marathon is on—today it’s Ghost Adventures, surprisingly, and Benji gets angry every time they talk about electromagnetic energy—and just enjoying each other’s space. Brandt spares a glance at Ethan and he looks happy and settled, right here on the couch with him and Benji, and he wonders how he was so convinced that Ethan was leaving them, leaving this, and moving onto the proverbial greener pasture. Ethan catches him looking and Brandt leans up carefully and gives him a kiss, Benji’s voice piping up from where he’s lying on Brandt’s thigh, “That’s one, you still owe him two for last night.”

Brandt laughs, Benji and Ethan joining in until Ethan gasps, instantly remembering his broken ribs. Benji and Brandt fuss over him for a second before settling back down to yell at the television. It’s good, and for a while Benji gets to just enjoy this, and forget the last mission, and not worry about the next. He’s here, and he’s alive.


End file.
